Held by Grace: A Waiting Women's Story of Worthiness (part 3)

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I've never truly been in love, but I've fallen for the idea of it. I've always used my mind rather than my heart in relationships—being drawn to the concept of the person and convincing my heart to follow. I never really understood why I did this. Maybe I believed no one else would love me, so I should take what I could get, or perhaps it stemmed from a lesson my mother taught me long ago: to be with someone who loved me more than I loved them. Or maybe I was just incapable of loving someone that way. Whatever the reason, I knew there was a deeper root to uncover, and I realized it was tied to my sense of self-worth.

A long time ago, I believed the lie that I didn't deserve love. I had no idea where this belief came from, but it contradicted every declaration of love for me in the Word of God. That lie lingered for years, and I truly thought I would never experience love or get married. I don't think I even fully understood Christ's love for me, but it was a seed that festered and grew.

 "Jesus replied, 'Every plant not planted by my heavenly Father will be uprooted" (Matthew 15:13).

It wasn’t until my final year of university that I finally confronted the lie. I remember admitting it to my mom, and she responded by asking if she and my father needed to stage an intervention. I never raised the subject again, but its shadow showed up in subtle ways—through how I interacted with the opposite sex, in the tears I shed watching movies with “happily ever afters,” convinced such endings weren’t meant for me. And even when God confirmed His promise of a husband, the lie still echoed in my heart, leaving me wrestling with disbelief and feeling as though fulfillment was impossibly far away in the waiting.

But as I recognized this lie—a seed planted by the enemy—God began the gentle work of uprooting it from my heart. Just as His Word says in Jeremiah 1:10, He tears down what is false so He can build and plant what is true. In the waiting, He reminds me that my worth is secure in Him, and His promises will be fulfilled in His perfect time. One Sunday at church, I sat listening to my pastor's sermon on marriage and singleness. As I listened, I felt the familiar ache in my heart when I thought about this area of my life. Yet in that moment, a declaration about my identity escaped my lips: 
    
“My identity and worth are not in what I have or don’t have, or whether I am single or married—my identity is solely in Jesus Christ.” 

I had to really ask myself if Christ was enough for me.

I’ve noticed that sometimes in Christian culture, we place so much emphasis on marriage that those who are single can feel pressured, even wondering if something is wrong with them because they are still waiting. Don’t get me wrong—marriage is a beautiful gift and essential—but it is not the ultimate measure of worth. In fact, Scripture reminds us that singleness offers a unique devotion to God: 

“An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided” (1 Corinthians 7:32–34).

This is not to say that married people don’t put God first, but rather that singleness can be a season of undivided devotion, a time to grow deeper in intimacy with Him without distraction. Singleness is significant because in that closeness with God, you also discover who you are and how He sees you. And when you truly know your identity in Christ, that’s when you begin to walk in purpose. I often think of the greatest commandment: to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and then to love our neighbors as ourselves. But how can we love another if we don’t know how to love ourselves? And how can we love ourselves if we haven’t first learned to love as God loves us? Since God is love, He alone teaches us what love truly is—apart from the world’s shallow definitions. That personal time with Him is essential for learning to love rightly.

The second thing that comes to mind is Adam and Eve. Before Eve was created, Adam had a season of fellowship with God alone. Scripture shows us that God walked with Adam in the garden, revealing the depth of their intimate relationship. Only after that time did God declare it was not good for man to be alone, and He created a helper suitable for him. This reminds me that no person can truly complete us—only God can. Yet if marriage is part of His plan, He will shape both husband and wife in His likeness and will also make them suitable for one another. Together, they become partners not just in love, but in fulfilling the greater purpose He has ordained for their lives.

So, the singleness season is not wasted but much needed, and I just want to end this blog with a few declarations from scripture: 
  • Ephesians 2:10: I am God's masterpiece, created for good works.
  • Genesis 1:27: I was created in God's image, inherently valuable.
  • Jeremiah 29:11: God has plans for my welfare and a future.
  • Psalm 139:14: I am fearfully and wonderfully made
  • Ephesians 4:1: I walk worthy of my calling
  • Isaiah 43:4: Since I am precious in God's sight, I am honoured and loved by Him
  • John 3:16: God gave His only Son for me
  • John 15:16: God chose me and appointed me to go and bear fruit
  • Isaiah 62:3: I am a royal diadem in the hand of my God
  • I am loved and worthy of the kind of love like Christ, who laid down His life for His bride, the Church (Ephesians 5:25).
  • I will not settle in life, but receive the best that God has for me







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